“Peace on earth…” but I’ve got no peace. My heart is as bleak as a sunless December day. Is there anyone I could tell who would understand and not make me feel like a worm? I’m supposed to have faith but somehow it just seems to have evaporated.”
“Why not tell me, my child? I am the Prince of Peace. I have waited so long for you to turn to me. Can you not trust me to love you?”
“But, Lord, I’m such a failure. Those fears – that feeling of impending doom. It sometimes gnaws at the very pit of my stomach. I watch for that disapproving look; I listen for that disapproving word. The phone rings, the door bell goes and it strikes an irrational dread in me”.
“But, my child, do I not expect you to be a failure? Do I reject failures? Can you not kneel before me and in the silence let us together name those nameless fears and face them all? For if you refuse to face them in my presence they remain immune from my healing power. Accept your need, your inadequacies, your childish fears and bring then to me. My perfect love casts out fear. Let me shed abroad my love in your heart.”
“Yes Lord, I want that love. But if I’m honest I feel so small and lost. I’ve never told anyone and no one seems to have noticed. Besides they’ve all got their own problems without worrying about me. Sometimes, Lord, I feel it is not worth going on. What value do I have? Who’d miss what I do?”
“I know your loneliness, my child, but it is partly self-inflicted. I have surrounded you with my children who care. There are those in whom you can confide. There are those who can minister to your need. You have felt that because you can approach me directly you are spiritually self-sufficient. But I have incorporated you into the Church which is my Body. You need someone to help you face your fears before me; someone to whom you can unburden the guilt of half forgotten sins; someone to minister to you my peace.”
“But why is it like this Lord? Why am I not like other people? Why this constant weakness and turmoil? Why do some of your promises not come true for me? Where is the peace the Gospel promises?”
“Now you are being honest with yourself, my child. Why are you bitter against me and against my children? Are you seeking the wholeness which is my peace without facing the responsibilities involved? Have you waited before me in prayer? Have you put right those half-forgotten things which burden your conscience? Have you submitted yourself to the help and ministry which my servants can give you from myself?
Are you prepared to be patient in trust? And, remember this, my child, there will always be some facets of my dealing with you which you will not understand. My thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways. But shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? Knowing of my infinite love for you, will you question me concerning my care for you? Come to me and receive wholeness -that peace which passes all understanding, for I, the God of Peace, will be with you.”
(Isa 9:6; John 15:5; Rom.7:l8; l John 4:l8; Rom.5:5; James 5:16; 1 Cor,12:26-27; Gal. 6:2; Isa.55:8; Gen. 18:25c; Phil.4:9.)
© Tony Higton: see conditions for reproduction